Why I'm So Sparse With the Everything

I've got a lot of ideas. No really, I'm not just saying that. My brain is an idea machine on overdrive. I dream ideas sometimes. And when I'm not coming up with things I could do or create or organize for myself or my Etsy store, I'm thinking of ways I could reorganize something else or somebody else.

Light box in progress

But the trouble is, I'm lazy, so it's all still ideas. That's actually only about 10% true. Sloth is only a very small part of my problem.

The bigger part of my problem, likely about a 50% share, is that my body-brain can't perform the way my brain-brain wants it to. I've got a hardware and systems problem in this beast and the programs just don't run effectively.

My idea brain has enthusiasm and sense and innovation; my body-brain is just not well and can't keep pace. If you know me, you have some idea about my long search for solutions to this body-brain problem. If you don't know me, you likely haven't a clue what I'm talking about and aren't reading this so you are a figment of my imagination. Remember that movie Awakenings, where the people were alive on the inside but catatonic on the outside? Well, I'm not catatonic quite yet, but sometimes I'm almost that unproductive. This is quite demoralizing. I spend most of my energy fighting against this problem, fighting against a total shut down, but that is exhausting. And, I guess that's the rub for me is that I have this engine in my head that is all about production and I can't seem to produce much of anything. I'm wiped out before I begin.

The another 20% of my problem is focus. I get very distracted on the computer and have trouble focusing on one task. In a way this is good, but I often forget what I sat down to do. Blogging gets lost in the mess of other work--necessary work--but just lost in the mess of windows and clicking. I often feel there is so much to do I can't decide which to do so I give up and take a nap or go thrift store shopping.

Photographed in light box before I had enough light.

The other 20% is time. I'm busy with teaching and should spend more time on my work than I do. However, if I felt better, I fee like that would free up some time and productivity for getting all kinds of projects I'm looking forward to started.

Right now, I've got an over-flowing dining room table full of fabric, vintage finds and patterns from the 60s and 70s that are going on to my Etsy store should I ever manage to get the time and energy to 1) name it, 2) open it, 3) finish the light box and photograph everything, 4) stock the shop and 5) get making some of the really cool designs I've been thinking about. I also have some publicity ideas for getting some blog activity and store traffic. Again, I'm full of ideas.