The thing about depression

The thing about depression or migraines or any chronic yet unpredictable condition is one often feels at the mercy of it, meaning I don't feel like I can really plan ahead because I don't know what condition I'm going to be in when ahead gets here.

I had high hopes for winter break, but that was a depressive mess. I knew going into break that I have a tendency to get a bit down over the winter hiatus and somehow I thought this knowledge was going to be helpful. Ha! I had some of the most serious depression in January I've seen in years. Knowing it was likely to happen did nothing to prevent it.

When school started up I began to feel with purpose again and I started the blog and began to get organized on a number of levels. But things aren't physically busy enough--I'm one of the underemployed reported about in the news today--and now that I'm into the routine of the semester I'm lapsing into depression again. I do this in the spring. I get this way. I know this about myself. For nearly 20 years I've had rough winter and spring times. Yet, there does not seem to be much to do about it, except laundry and clicking aimlessly on the same five web sites I don't care about and feeling there are dozens of things I should do (and probably even want to do) if only I could lift myself out of the haze that is my body being depressed and do them.